Class 3 -- Pilgrimage Holidays

I am going to directly address the suggested questions for this week since my journal entry for it is about three weeks late now!

In terms of my Wilderness ... I think I am still in my Wilderness in more than one facet of my life, although I am enjoying some of the trek, which perhaps doesn't fit in with the Exodus theme after all! Perhaps it would be easiest to begin with my Egypt which, I suppose, quite literally is my childhood and the hometown it was spent in. I still go back there to visit my family, but it isn't my home anymore, and lord knows it never will be again. It was a good enough place in many ways for a kid to grow up in -- safe, lots of room to roam etc etc -- but I won't ever raise my kids in such a place. Because it is also a place of ignorance and smallness and stasis, and no amount of woods and rivers and natural beauty can make up for that. But it, like my family (who are good people) made me who I am and helped shape how I see the world and for that I am grateful for my Egypt.

I suppose along those lines New York City is my Israel -- it is my adopted hometown. I've lived in many places since leaving home at 18, but ever since visiting during college I've known this is the place I belonged. I moved to China for several years after college but always planned to end up in NYC; we moved to Thailand for my job but I made sure we kept our apartment in NYC because I knew we had to come back. So I will feel forever grateful (I hope) that I've landed in my Israel in that respect ... finding Nancy and being able to build our life together -- that too is my Israel, and while we were in the Wilderness for awhile in terms of figuring out our relationship, we have certainly arrived -- well we have and we haven't since our relationship -- like my relationship with NYC -- will always be a changing, moving thing (I couldn't bear it otherwise).

I just realized my Israel is supposed to be in relation to goals I strive for and I think NYC and what I have with Nancy are both goals I have striven for all my life. NYC for me is an unpredictable place that never lets you get too comfortable -- I want to live the rest of my life in this fashion. I want to be surrounded by people from all over the world and be forced to adapt to their ways sometimes (which speaks to my penchant for living abroad) even though it unsettles and upsets me. I find inspiration and energy for my life in people but at the same time I am a serious introvert -- NYC, for me, keeps things balanced. And as for building a family for Nancy, that speaks to my goals to keep a loving family and home similar to the one I was raised in. I hope I can hand it down to my children and they can hand it down to theirs ad infinitum (God willing) ...

Lastly, one area of my life where I am still squarely in the Wilderness is in terms of my relationship to God and spirituality. I'm not sure if I'll ever exit that Wilderness (not sure if I want to) but at moments in my adult life I've felt a calm connection to God that perhaps hints at spiritual equanimity to come! Who knows ... it does feel freeing, however, (to go back to the Exodus) to be able to speak about God openly, in a non-institutional (i.e. religious), non-judgmental (i.e. my atheist parents) setting ...